Can't stop, can't stop the beat.

Abi can't stop posting.

I want to make you cry with everything I say.
I want to affect you.
I want to make you laugh, sometimes.
I want to sing you to sleep.
I want to receive an adorable present from you.
I want to fall asleep in your arms.
I want to cry until you kiss me and tell me it's going to be okay.
I want to understand why this is so hard.
I want to be your favorite thing.
I want to blow your mind.
I want to drive in a convertible with the top down.
I want to write a lot more.
I want to cook you a meal.
I want to go on a romantic picnic.
I want to know everything that I want.
I want to make you happy again.
I want to have a fight with you, and then hug it out.
I want to paint a room with you.
I want to talk about things I can't talk about with everyone else.
I want to know everything about you.
I want to have some closure.
I want to write you poetry.
I want to harmonize.
I want to awe you with my quirks.
I want to see you every day.
I want to be able to stop thinking about you, but then again, I don't.
I want to tell you the truth.
I want to be your best friend.
I want to be the exception that proves the rule.
I want to be that girl that you run through the rain to get to.
I want to have a certain song that's "our" song.
I want to know who you are.
I want to forget who I want you to be.

Things I want:

A new bedroom.
A mini cactus.
More pairs of jeans.
More time with friends.
Inside jokes.
A boyfriend.
More shirts.
Some personality.
A bed.
Attention.
To be able to write.
To go home.
Better hair.
Perfect teeth.
Friends.
Power.
Dignity.
Motivation.
To sing in front of people again.
Compliments.
You. Mostly you.

Love,
Abi.

*smiles*

I need to start smiling more. It really improves me.
I wanna write but I don't know what about!
I think I have a poem around here somewhere, but I guess I could post that on facebook.

Eh, dammit.

The only person I want to read this, won't.

Ah, families.

As some of you may know, my grandfather recently passed on. He was a great man, and he will be missed. He was a genius of sorts, a farmer and a poet and an inventor.
He was such a good man. He died on the anniversary of his and my grandmother's 65th wedding. Now, I think that's romantic.

His passing has brought so much family to my home, and it's kind of a shock for my brother, father and I. My brother hasn't been involved yet, I don't think he can quite do it. I asked him to do a song with me at the funeral, and he just didn't think he'd be up to it.

I think this is the way grandpa would have wanted it though. We're all happy and telling stories about him.... This is the way it should be. I have cousins from California here, and aunts and uncles from Florida and Maine. And... weirdly enough, it's fun.

At the funeral tomorrow, I feel like it's not going to be very somber. He was too much of a person for people not to soak in all the life and love that he had. I mean, the man was 86. He saw so much.

He and my grandmother saw every single state in the U.S. at least once. He farmed for years and had four children, nine grandchildren. He could play the harmonica with his nose, play the saw, whistle like a bird. He had so many pets I can't even count them all. Everyone who saw him couldn't help but love him. He will be missed.

Goodbye, Grandpa. I love you.

I miss my old room. I miss sitting in my room and listening to owl city on repeat.
I miss the music of the old place.
And the snow.


And the rain and the back stoop.
And the nighttime. And how cold it always was.
And that week I was sick.


I just miss it. Every morning waiting for the bus was somehow special. I don't remember not wanting to go to school.


I remember carrying around that stupid baby bottle and always getting at least a hug a day. And wandering around after school.


And when Drea got ATTACKED by Danny Freeze. And I miss track meets.
And I miss gym. And lunch, and homework and math class.

I miss my purple comforter, I miss cafe aroma, I miss chorus.





I just want it all back.